


Will you catch me, if I should fall?

by elhopperperalta



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy Santiago Loves Jake Peralta, Episode: s07e06 Trying, Fertility Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Jake Peralta Loves Amy Santiago, Season/Series 07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:14:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24346336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elhopperperalta/pseuds/elhopperperalta
Summary: Hi! This is my first ever fanfiction, so I do apologise if it's not that great. It's basically just Amy's inner thoughts because I'm not that brilliant at speech yet haha, but there is some at the end of Jake being an incredible husband and comforting Amy.Hope you enjoy!! :)
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago
Comments: 9
Kudos: 40





	Will you catch me, if I should fall?

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Greatest Showman song Tightrope, because I adore that soundtrack with my whole heart.

If there was one thing Amy Santiago-Peralta hated, it was the feeling of failure. Feeling like she’d lost a battle. A battle which she had constantly attempted to fight for the past six or so months, before finally giving in and accepting defeat. 

Trying for a baby was not something she thought would be a struggle. She was a Santiago after all, and if her Mother’s eight children were anything to show for it, conceiving children should come easy to them. 

It should. It should come easy. Except it didn’t. Not for them. Why was it proving so difficult for her and Jake to have a child when it was a thing that proved simple for the whole rest of her family? 

Majority of her brothers had at least two children, and she knew that the trying period had only lasted a maximum of three months, if not less. It was just straightforward for them, something that they didn’t have to put much effort into. 

Amy, however, had tried what seemed like every method in the book. The war room in the corner of their apartment, which housed the master calendar, tracked every ovulation window, menstruation cycle, and uterine deposit (or UD, which she had suggested they shorten it to). On top of all that, they both attempted to swallow 35 vitamins each every single day, woke up each morning at 6:14 on the dot and even switched Jake’s jeans for a very baggy pair of yoga pants, which admittedly did almost get him detained on the subway.

They had dedicated their whole lives for almost a year to trying to expand their family, and yet nothing was working. She was exhausted, and sad, and fed up, and she knew Jake was too, even if he tried to hide it from her. She could see it in the dark circles under his eyes, in his heartbroken sigh as she showed him another negative pregnancy test, in the way he held her just that little bit tighter at night. He was staying strong just for her, and she couldn’t even begin to explain how grateful she was.

It was a couple of days after Hitchcock’s second divorce party, after her husband had walked over to her sitting tearfully at the bar bringing with him a piece of cake with a heart on it, and exclaimed that they were a family, no matter what. That he didn’t mind whether they had three kids or none at all, as long as they were together he was happy. Amy was sitting on the couch in her pyjamas, waiting for her husband to return home. Friends was on the tv, and it just happened to be The One With The Fertility Test. It had reached the part where Chandler had received the dreaded phone call about how him and Monica were not able to have a child, when Amy broke down. It was just too painful, knowing that it was the exact same situation her and Jake were going through. She let out a muffled sob, and tears ran down her face as she cried into a pillow.

She didn’t hear the jingle of Jake’s keys in the lock. Her sobs just got louder, until she had worked herself up enough to the point of hyperventilation. The door opened and Jake walked in, sliding his shoes off and shrugging of his jacket. Noticing his wife curled up in distress on the couch, he rushed over immediately to her side. 

‘Ames?,’ he whispered urgently, ‘Amy, honey, you need to breathe, okay? With me, in for four,’ he placed his hand on her chest gently and breathed in, Amy trying her best to follow, ‘out for four, okay? Good, you’re doing great, just keep breathing.’  
He repeated this ritual four times over, before Amy’s breathing had begun to slow down a bit. Jake sat down next to her on the couch, wrapping his arms around her shaking frame and pulling her into his lap. She tucked her face into the crook of his neck and sighed softly, tear tracks still evident on her face.

‘Hey, what was that all about huh?’ Murmured Jake, placing a tender kiss onto her temple.

‘Well, I was watching Friends, the one with the fertility test, and… and I just couldn’t handle it,’ said Amy, voice wavering, ‘i can’t handle the fact that it could never happen for us. It could be completely impossible for us to ever have a child!’ 

Tears had begun to fall again, before Jake reached out and wiped them away gently with the pad of his thumb.

‘Hey, hey, sshhh,’ he whispered softly, attempting to reassure her, ‘it’s gonna be okay, babe. There are other options, remember? And we can keep trying, the doctor said it wasn’t a lost cause yet. There’s still a chance, Ames.’

He rocked her slowly back and forth, drawing soothing circles on her back as she clutched at him.

‘I know,’ she sighed into his shoulder, ‘it just seems like the universe is against us.’

‘I know, I know it does honey,’ he said as he kissed her forehead, ‘but it’s not over. And if it doesn’t happen for us this way, there are other options. We will have a child, Ames, it just may take a while.’

Amy lifted her head from where it was hidden in his shoulder, and reached for his hand as their fingers intertwined.

‘I love you so much,’ she whispered gratefully, tears threatening to fall again, ‘what on earth would I do without you?’

He smiled lovingly at her, eyes glistening as he squeezed her hand. 

’I love you so much. More than you will ever know. Seeing you like this breaks my heart,’ he sighed, ‘is there anything I can do?’

Amy sighed gratefully, resting her head on Jake’s shoulder.

‘Just… hold me for a while.’

Jake nodded understandingly and lay back onto the couch cushions. Amy tucked herself into his side with her head placed on his chest, her hand coming up to rest on his face. Jake leaned forward slightly and softly kissed her as her hand stroked his cheek. 

She breathed, finally able to let out all the stress from the day as she rested her forehead against his. Jake smiled, and pulled her closer to him. He then turned on a happier episode of Friends, skipping past season 9 because he knew that it would hurt too much.

They were healing, slowly, but still surely. It still hurt them both when they saw a happy couple in the park with a stroller, or when one of Amy’s beat cops announced that their wife was pregnant, or when Terry and Charles brought their kids to work. But they were healing, and they still had a chance.

And when Amy came into their bedroom about a month later whilst he was playing Mario Party and tearfully announced that they were having a baby, that she was finally pregnant, they both knew that it had all been worth it in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading!! Feedback is much appreciated xx


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